Soul suffering

It is often happens that soul suffering causes verses to be written. I am not an exception, every time that my life goes a bit screwed up I start to rhyme the suffering soul.

Pleaded (20-07-2022)

It is very difficult for me to think about what is happening. The world is a raging volcano. But there were also times of rapprochement and beautiful sparks that illuminated the future, at least for a short time. (pause with commas)

I grieve every moment
I couldn’t succeed
To set up postponement
And boldly proceed

Enlighten the minds
Encourage the hearts
Get rid of the blinds
And gather up parts

The world’s split around
Misled and forsaken
With evil renowned
And judgment mistaken

That’s still rolling on
By force and deception
So much waited gone
And set for rejection

I did all I could
To save sparkles weak
Bring forth understood
The moment critique

I used to have pleaded
Please, hold acting up
Let time superseded
The driveling crap

Freedom (05-05-2022)

Freedom is above all, it is more precious than time, efforts, hopes and expectations. Life without freedom is an endless hell. (pause with commas)

The freedom is mine
The fever and hope
My lonely shrine
Within stressful scope

Eternity shameless
Has cast off, around
Upon truly blameless
And prophesied ground

The freedom is yours
My friends, never met
Your marvelous scores
Victorious mindset

Are strong foundation
The world’s recognized
In-depth liberation
You’ve brought, energized

The freedom is yours
Well-earned and deserved
Through painful detours
And pressures incurved

Onto many destined
To suffer the pain
Unfair detested
Offended remain

I’ve thought (13-04-2022)

It is very sad to be wrong. It is very bitter to believe and be deceived. It is unforgivable to trust the most valuable to someone. It is dangerous to believe in good. It is very foolish to hope for a miracle. It is stupid to love and care. Unless you are a human being. (pause with commas)

I’ve thought, there was
Somewhere, a good sand
Once called, sacred cause
Humanity’s true friend

Who’s always reached out
Towards helping others
Through mist of the doubt
Embracing her brothers

I’ve thought, there were
Her pages, compassion
Acknowledged score
In firmly possession

The truth, reigning on
The hearts and the minds
The hand, firm and strong
Supportive for binds

I’ve thought, there was
The love and the care
Much called, sacred cause
Of hopeful prayer …

She’s thought, there is
A miracle hopeless
Her vain written pleas
To vanity soulless

The bomb shelter (09-04-2022)

I have always believed that crime is an action, and counteraction to a crime cannot be a crime as well. It’s very hard for me to imagine how people can be bombed. This is an absurdity, that is born, only in the brain of a sick person. What kind of scum, do you have to be, to deliberately kill for the sake of ghostly conclusions. I am very much ashamed, that I am an accomplice of this nightmare. (pause with commas)

A cursed, shiny day
Somewhere, bomb sheltered
Has plunged in, to stay
A fearful centered

Throughout the place
On shelves and the floor
Enslaving the space
They love and adore

The little, despaired
And innocent truly
Not even bit-scared
But daring fully

The victims, a shelf
I could, have been saving
Hadn’t I, been myself
So terrified-waving

I have no right
Comment or reflect
I am, part of shite
Proclaimed dirt-respect

Been born and forgotten
On shelves, inner fear
Ashamed and full-rotten
In sight of the Dear

The formal retreat (20-01-2022)

There are forms in a man’s life that always excite his imagination. However, I am no exception, I constantly try to remain calm about the desires that they can bring. (pause with commas)

I long to reform
My madly gone striving
The mind’s, driven storm
From beauty deriving

So longing, get rid
Of being dependent
On formal retreat
My heart’s, a defendant

Is rushing away
From being restricted
To mildly convey
My senses afflicted

And trying ignore
The pressure I fear
Though let, in the core
My feelings to steer

I’m almost fallen
The formal desired
Retreated, self stolen
Sweet selfish admired

My tears of shame
Do burn lustful eyes
The punishment flame
My shameful disguise

Liquid my senses (10-01-2022)

It is bitter to sense the difference between the environments, especially if you are so much dependent upon them. (pause with commas)

There’s a dream
Carved into space
Cursed by extreme
Time’s worthless grace

Being a normal
So much desired
Damned by the formal
Dough required

Liquid my senses
Am I morose
Hidden defenses
Loneliness’ dose

Are all my strivings
Plunging in-out
Sworn by the timing
Bitter devout

Stronghold, my senses
I am disposed
Get rid of fences
True dumb morose

Build upon shaken
Inner my ghost
I am forsaken
At low cost

Cold beautiful sad (04-01-2022)

Some women are the incarnation and embodiment of nature in all her appearances – imaginary, emotional, spiritual and mental. I am strongly driven towards them. They are everything – predatory beauty and kind heart, amazing elegance and endless sadness. (pause with commas)

I’m queer a stranger
Throughout the world
Gone feasting, arranger
Of sadness gray cold

I’m so much awaiting
Emotional bursting
Devotional craving
And spiritual thirsting

The beauty and beast
The bitter by kind
Who’s never released
Of self-righteous mind

The lady I’m craving
To be wholly mine
Predatory waving
The piquant by kind

I am driven close
I want to posses
The miracle most
A ravenous quest

Her love of a winter
Cold beautiful sad
Her heart of a splinter
Ice covering clad

My mind and soul
Hurt-taken forever
Sad beautiful cold
My dangerous endeavor

Perfect life (03-08-2021)

It is a very hard job to hide your sinful nature. Sometimes it takes a whole life to understand that everybody around sees all your sinful deeds and even intentions. That’s the way the world has been created. But the first step to becoming a better one is admitting and proclaiming your imperfections. (pause with commas)

I live it a hell
From early my days
I hide, in the shell
Of sinful my ways

The wishes my endless
Mandated around
A sand field stupendous
And permanent ground

For doubts my painful
That I have to keep
And thoughts down-shameful
I am forced to heap

For future referral
What wrong was with me
And further transferral
To state guilty plea

I live it a hell
The last of my days
I’m chanting a spell
And try sing the praise

To God and the Spirits
That reign on above
Within no limits
Of fatherly love

I cry touch upon
The good and the true
I try make it gone
My inner taboo

Of hiding ashamed
My harsh imperfections
To finally proclaim
My soul resurrection

Dreaming a home (15-07-2021)

Happiness is when a person feels that the place, where he was born, is his home. If this does not happen in childhood and adolescence, then it will never happen. A person will build a home within himself and try to escape from reality. (pause with commas)

I was looking for home
In the land, barren-open
I was dreaming a dome
Made the safe-solid, oaken

On the magic a hill
Or an edge of the forest
Off my choked-down will
And my wounds bleeding sorest

I was looking for life
In the land closed-thriving
Off inherent strife
From my flamed heart deriving …

Ended up in somewhere
On the barren and closed
Land of endless disrepair
On my burnt heart imposed

I have taken some pine
Built a home, in-mobile
Had my will, choked-confined
And my heart, burnt-facile

A little birdie (25-06-2021)

Nature is a miracle in my understanding. It is very interesting that I want attention from unattainable things. I really want to touch upon, what I know, I cannot get. The unattainability of the goal makes me a dreamer, who lives by desperate inspiration and blind-alley hope. (pause with commas)

There’s a miracle
Down the lane
Almost a mythical
My heart’s domain

I have been building
Upon the sand
Of snooty gilding
Burning my hand

I have been spreading
My little thought
Burst out shredding
The inner ghost

A little birdie
I was inside
Gentle and wordy
Hand nest reside

My hopes and dreams
Selfish and vain
Brought on extremes
My heart’s domain …

The little birdie
I pray to stay
And body sturdy
My life’s array

The final right turn (03-06-2021)

It’s hard to be right. It is a lot of heavy work. And not many people are capable of this. Sometimes, I try to overpower myself, but then I still return to my usual leftism. Into my usual swamp of truth and lies, good and evil, that are so intertwined that they have long lost their face. And I can’t tell which one is which. (pause with commas)

I used to left-turn
The whole my life
I’ve tried left-discern
My inner burn-strife

The right and the wrong
Have which, set on fire
My world to belong
Exposing to dire

And thrilled over all
My left-turn decisions
That nether were wrong
Or right mindless visions

Thus desperately looking
Towards turning right
I want start unhooking
The poles, I might

Discern noble-ugly
My face melted in
The wrong, shining lovely
The right, frozen keen

I gather what’s left
The remnants, my life
Has ended up, cleft
From inner burn-strife…

I am, so much tired
To live, rightly-wrong
I’m gonna make, fired
The final right turn

Real life path (04-12-2020)

Some say, life is a duel with death. You shall finaly fail and there is no escape. But you can hit it on the nose, as many times as you like. (pause with commas)

A peaceful and quiet
My life’s always been
From early days private
Or public extreme

I’ve kept, never know
The dark side of it
That, it is a crow
Discorded and lit

With dark tinted oils
And bloody hued steel
Respecting not toils
But hailing ordeals

The cruel, the better
To stymie me harsh
And make me a debtor
Of her endless marsh

I know, I’ll fail
There is, no escape
On universe scale
A personal scrape

Is duel with death
That’s meant, to be called
A real life path
Deliberate’ stalled

Obeying the lies (19-11-2020)

I strive for the sky and the sun, as best as I can. I use a tailwind, but to no avail. To take off, I need to be a pure soul … Obedience to the lies cannot be hidden by the red coat, it will still appear sooner or later. (pause with commas)

I’ve thought of a way
To leave all behind
The worries, I have to survey

I’ve thought of a day
To free my crisp mind
Of lies, that I have to obey

They’re planted so deep
Right into the concience
I’ve always, been eager protect

And pure it keep
With rules correspondance
Which built, on the ground respect

Untrue blackly dotted
Pretencious my fudges
Still hidden, behind my red coat

They’re easily spotted
Like bitter my grudges
Corroding outside, with black quotes

I scribe on the stairs
Which seemed point upwards
With hope, to reach all the skies

But relative airs
Do bring me on downwards
As punished, obeying the lies

Material love (20-10-2020)

Sublime souls cannot admit material love. It is a funny picture, but it makes me sad. I think that love cannot be bought or sold. It is very childish, and, are we not grown children? (pause with commas)

I am oddly mannered
With feelings so open
I share unanswered
The heart off, unspoken

My dreams, fall in love
Do bleed all the time
I proper behove
Sensation sublime

The love mine, suppressed
In thoughts desperation
With deadly unrest
Of cold isolation

That’s cooling me up
Inside of the heart
I’m pierced abrupt’
And torn up, apart

I’m amative restless
Was always and now
As narrative endless
My feelings somehow

Expressed with regret
That I’m so weak
To face the roulette
Of real life streak

Material love
Is now the fashion
I will do behove
And cry for compassion

A better life (16-10-2020)

Woman is a mystery. She is expressive in her emotions. She paints beautiful images on her face, and she suffers inside from a lack of understanding and callousness of others. (pause with commas)

I live this life
A passer by
I won’t defy
Nor do comply

With silly rules
The world address’
A beauty pressure
That depress’

I know tender
Precious soul
Her shiny splendor
Dwells in all

But inner strife
A variation
She lives a life
Of desperation

She paints a better
Life on face
To shaken set her
Beauty race

That constitutes
The Venus’ lies
Which substitute
The real lives

She lives this life
A passer by
She won’t defy
And does comply

Never true love (10-08-2020)

True love is a gift from the Universe. Sometimes, it takes a life to find it. Go on, it’s a beautiful and enjoyable search. (pause with commas)

I was ill and possessed
By a feverish pleasure
Taken harshly depressed
With an overwrought measure

The extent my affections
Were resembling true love
With improper directions
Made upon, blurring of

Love I truly was waiting
Waved to never come live
All my visions resetting
All my wishes deprive

Еager, so much awaited
Tender touch, ardent kiss
Dreamt and almost faded
Swept away and dismissed

Not a queen, sweetly dreaming
Living on, painful blind
Soul of mine, softly screaming
In her longings, confined

I am cursed, an exception
Never true love, a dream
An erroneous reflection
And misfortune, extreme

Dreamt life (27-07-2020)

The dream is very pure, proud and beautiful thing. Live and dream, don’t live dreaming. Living a dream means breaking away from reality and ruining your life. (pause with commas)

Dreamt life is a misery
Half dead, half alive
The treacherous slippery
Compelling survive

A poor magnificent
And beautiful grand
So faintly vigilant
For cruel demand

A toy in the hand
A tear in the eye
A black hair strand
My heart’s desperate cry

Are signs of the moment
I cannot endure
So traitorous cogent
And rudely mature

My eyes full of tears
My heart’s bleeding fast
Dreamt life’s ugly swears
Sweet dreams’ painful past