Pricks of conscience

Here I collect my pricks of conscience, I dare think that I am not unique to experience the pricks, do you?

I have long forgotten (04-07-2023)

It’s good when the guardian angel is so obedient. Bringing protection and household help. Still, don’t you tempt fate. Wise people say, that luck is only God’s providence and should not be abused. (pause with commas)

I have long forgotten
How hard it was living
Some days past, untrodden
With bloody thanksgiving

I have long forgotten
How hard it was smiling
When mind’s real shotten
With hopelessness piling

I have long forgotten
How good it was losing
Forever, much rotten
My thoughts, self abusing

I have long forgotten
How good it was feeling
A something, in common
With blessed ones, spell-healing

I have long forgotten
How good it was leaving
Composedly, forced-done
Unwilling receiving

I have long forgotten
How good it was being
A human one, Staten
And able foreseeing

The Great Depression (23-06-2023)

I believe that society develops consistently. And the most rapid development begins with the great depression. This is when violence and rudeness become inhibitory factors, that have exhausted their driving force at a certain stage. But we need to go through this, so that it never happens again. (pause with commas)

A violent thought
Has dawned onto me
The feeling I’ve got
A troublesome plea

Is torturing me now
Consistently rough
Developed somehow
Depressing hand cuff

My weak bodied stance
That’s prone, rudeness to
Malicious as chance
To see my life through

In callousness warmly
And harshness polite
And infamy lordly
And meanness, Great White …

I live in the trance
Exhausted and torn
With weak bodied stance
An absolute scorn …

Brutality handsome
And violence walkways
Inglorious anthems
Inhibitory always

I care no more (10-10-2022)

I am very much interested in why a person becomes careless towards the end of life.
He seems to be divided into two people, one reckless and going forward to death in the literal sense of this statement. The other is trying to save him. This applies to ordinary people, and to psychics, and especially to rulers. The rulers kill themselves and the nations subordinate to them. Perhaps the burden of experiences, depressions and sins corrode the conscience, which is part of God in man, and this unbearable burden, that has been formed over a lifetime, wants liberation and termination. I am coming up to this line and begin to feel how my consciousness slowly cracks and starts to divide into fatalistic despair and miserable clinging to the passing life. (pause with commas)

I care no more
The pain drives me reckless
I lie on the floor
Completely defenseless

And try to discern
The signature scornful
A weak, all concern
I am, split and mournful

Divided into
The evil and bad
A trying look through
And blindly sad

I’m rushing about
From prudent to senseless
A teasingly proud
Or devilish reckless

I’m cursed to endure
And live torn asunder
Awaiting the cure
Of God’s fatal thunder …

The time gorgeous measure
The ruler of mortal
The kind of treasure
The final my portal

Protection is faith (28-06-2022)

For as long as I’ve known myself, I’ve been trying to hide under an imaginary umbrella. Some people say that the ultimate protection is within oneself. Only man himself can protect own-self from misery and adversity. Many call this protection a guardian angel. Perhaps this is true, but only if your faith is stronger than fear. (pause with commas)

I’m constantly searching
Agnostic myself
Within fears scorching
And sins stone-stealth

I’ve always been driven
Half good and half bad
To stay unforgiven
And endlessly sad

I’ve looked for protection
In outer world
But feasted rejection
Consequent occurred

And ended up stranded
Somewhere within
Adversity branded
As stone-stealth sin

I try to look round
Where did I go wrong
My wishes unbound
And will never strong

Both silly-tight swathe
Are now undone
Protection is faith
The ultimate one

Self injured-controlled (17-05-2022)

Now is such a terrible time. Every morning I wake up, with the thought, that this horror is happening to me. How did it come, that I’m part of this terrible situation and I can’t change anything. (pause with commas)

I have no clue
Directions, mine, lost
A terror review
My ill-honored host

The wires unbound
From here, to there
Sharp circling around
Through ill-honored air

The hands, I’ve imagined
To reach out, firmly
Support those, saddened
Completely and warmly

Are weakly protrusive
Envisioned and groggy
Depictured delusive
And conjured up, foggy

I am, just a pinhead
Intentions, good-natured
Those easily spread
And ill-honor flavored

Are still, all I have
Within feeble soul
Delusively brave
Self injured-controlled

Brewed up, to refuse (27-01-2022)

Some souls are endlessly searching. When they find, the very moment they lose, because, the aim has been reached and there should be a new one to find and refuse. (pause with commas)

They have me accused
Of being lighthearted
Brewed up, to refuse
Affections much granted

That I’m searching on
Respective to lose
And wouldn’t, have gone
Some true one, to choose

But get rid of, fast
By blinking the eye
Self inner harassed
By selfishness high

Profoundly-cherished
Forever and more
Not caring perished
My heart to restore

Come on, get dismissed
I don’t anymore
Do searching persist
Someone to adore

I’m dreaming away
The true one, refuse
And gorgeously play
Established-confused

Perplexity troubled (12-01-2022)

The modern human world is slowly transforming into a mono-presentation of the sexes. I think that, on some, albeit a very distant day, mono perception will dominate. (pause with commas)

A little complexity
I face all the time
The troubled perplexity
Much worse or sublime

Psychology freak
The mono or hetero
Suppressed up, to speak
Or even think antero

I know it is
The shame of diversity
Dishonor to freeze
In loosed up perversity

The madness of forms
Of beauty resilient
Blurred up, stagnant norms
To monarchy brilliant …

In multiple regions
The mono shall reign
Though covered with lesions
Of doubt remained …

My beautiful Domina
Perplexity troubled
I strive to be nominal
Off tendency stumbled

Truthful hands (29-07-2020)

Time is a difficult thing, it hides something, and it shows something. You cannot fight it, you have to accept it as it is, as an accuser or defender. Whatever your luck is. (pause with commas)

I hate all the time
The time, crazy driving
My life into slime
And forced up deriving

The ugly content
I am, made out of
That’s never been meant
To share above

I’m killing the time
And break truthful hands
That’s pointing crime
I’ve buried, the sands

And cracked up, the grounds
The silent spectators
That could’ve expound’
My pushy filth caters

The thoughts, I promote
To stand truthful time
And thoughts I denote
Like reason sublime

To whiten the deeds
The time’s bringing forth
And scatter the beads
And clear records